Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Cassy In The Raw

I have fears. Everyone does. It's normal. We are human. Taking on my fears head on is the only way I now how to wipe them out of my life. However, there are some fears I can't figure out how to control. The problem is that they can't be controlled and I wish more than anything I could because controlling some of my fears would decrease a lot of pain and devastation someday. I'll share with you all some of my fears so that maybe I can come to terms with the things I can't change.

I fear:

that our Lima Bean will come too early and it won't be strong enough

that our Lima Bean will not have a chance to meet some very important family members

that I won't be a good Mom and all the burdens of parenthood will fall on Steven's shoulders

that Squid will feel like I abandoned him when Lima Bean arrives

that we will do everything we can for our child but it will not choose the right path

that our society will continue it's downward spiral and we will be forced to raise our children in it

that I will not be able to balance being a wife and mother and one of them will suffer

that something tragic will happen in childbirth and Steven will be left alone to raise our child

that our child will hate four wheeling

that our child will hate us

that our baby will have a food allergy and we won't know about it till we feed it something

that our baby will not allow me to breast feed

that our fridge, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, oven, microwave, will take a dive and we won't have time or money to fix it

that my hair will fall out after I have the Lima Bean

that I will suffer PPD

that I won't figure out how to balance being a full time nurse and mother

that I won't be able to lose all my baby weight

that our car will die and we will have to find a new one (i hate car shopping)

I fear that more fears will surface and I will fall short.

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